“So, how are you doing today?” She asks me.
“I’m, doing okay, I, I, I, I, I…” I shut my mouth. “Mmmmm…” I hum for a moment as I smack myself in the back of the head. “It’s been an interesting day.”
My brain broke at some point about a month ago, I don’t know what happened. It’s like I got more autistic. I’ve been reading about the concept of burnout. That’s got to be what this is. My problems with words, especially mouth words, is terrifying.
I’ve always had a tenacity for language in general, and my capacity for mouth words has been pretty good my whole life. I have times where I would not speak, and if I got really upset I would be unable to speak, but I’ve, more often than not, been able to recall the right words, and I’ve never really had a problem getting stuck on words, but…
That’s changed. I find myself get stuck on certain words a lot. I’m noticing that it tends to be I, the, I’m, and, words like that. I’ll repeat it again and again and again until I shut my mouth and redirect, and my redirection, for whatever reason, seems to be humming and a whack to the back of the head. I don’t know where the repetition, or the subsequent reaction, has come from, and honestly, it scares the hell out of me. I’m not used to it.
I don’t know what it is, I just… get stuck. I don’t know why. I’ll be talking and then suddenly, there’s a glitch in my system, and *boom* I’m skipping like a cd.
“No, I don’t know what the, the, the, the, the, the…” [insert hum and head smack] “the note was about.”
Usually I’ll repeat the word at least 4 or 5 times before I realize what’s happening and am even able to shut my mouth.
I will definitely have to dig into it further and try to figure out what’s going on, until then, I continue to figure out how to navigate this whole new world since my brain broke.
Thank you for reading sunshines, take gentle care of yourself and have a beautiful day!