I’ve found myself become inherently wary when someone I am interested in says they are bi. Before anyone thrashes me for getting on with biphobia, can you hear me out?

First off, I know not all bi people are like the experiences I’ve had. I know. I know, and I know. I want to point this out as a reminder that even those of us who fight for social justice can be blinded by our own experiences, and we can turn the hatred, frustrations and fear that we fight against, and use them ourselves. So, what’s my story?

Well, I’m trans. There’s this little thing that I’ve heard too many times to count now when someone that I’m interested in (and they’ve shown reciprocation) finds out I like them! That’s these words:

“It’s okay, I’m bi.”

Look. I’m aware that I’m a non-op, binary presenting, transgender female, and that makes a difference, but for fuck’s sake, me not having a vagina doesn’t, I repeat, DOESN’T make me part man. It’s gotten so frustrating hearing this as often as I have, and I have every right to be pissed about it, but…

The problem comes in the fact that I have shut down any further conversation or possibility of dating someone when finding out they are bi, more than a few times.

That is on me. It is also something I’m working on.

My ultimate point is: DON’T BECOME WHAT YOU HATE.

I use my example with bisexual individuals because I know it catches attention. I see it in other groups though, often toward the majority. I see people proudly praising and talking about cis hate, or how they won’t hang out with cis people, or other majority groups.

I get it, oh man do I get it. I am so fucking tired of explaining and validating my own existence because of cis people! I’m right there with you, and boy do I understand the feeling, but again:


You don’t want the conversations, don’t have them.
You don’t want to fuck with stupid respectability politics, don’t.
You want to tell someone asking shitty questions to fuck off, tell them to fuck off.
You want to denounce an entire group of people… it’s going to far. Your suffering is turning you into something you’re not. Don’t be that person.
Do not put up with the bullshit. Do not put up with the questions. Fuck the appeals to respectability politics, but to say that a whole group is worthy of hate and vitriol… That doesn’t seem right to me. Look man, I get it. I get it far too well, but…

Why return hate with hate?

Thank you for reading and have a beautiful day sunshines